My name is Andrew, and I am living with HIV.

You might think that I am HIV positive – I am not. I am living with HIV because my boyfriend*, Michael, the man I love,  is HIV positive. I am living with HIV because HIV has a direct impact on my life.

I am also, to some extent, living with PVL-MRSA, because Michael has that too. Today Michael had an appointment at the Royal Victoria Hospital, Belfast, and his doctor took the opportunity to screen me for MRSA, because there was a chance that I was an asymptomatic carrier. It is important to make sure I don’t have MRSA because I could act as a source of re-infection for Michael. I have been thoroughly swabbed§ and given special anti-bacterial shower gel.†

Day-to-day, the MRSA has a bigger impact on my life at the moment. Even though the impact isn’t too bad (it’s mainly about being really precise about cleaning myself and the house) it is a constant reminder that Michael is unwell. When it comes to HIV, the biggest impact on my life is from Michael’s medication. For many years I was on anti-depressants and anti-migraine drugs. From that experience I know how hard it can be, emotionally, to have to take pills day in, day out. I also have many years’ experience of making sure I stick to my schedule and making sure meds don’t run out. I’m using that experience to help Michael. And don’t tell him, but secretly making sure the meds are in order appeals to the borderline OCD neat-freak in me.

If you are HIV positive, you experience prejudice. There are people who don’t touch you, or won’t have anything to do with you. Friends you thought you could always depend on become distant. In recent weeks, I’ve started to experience some of that prejudice too, from some very unexpected quarters. Yes, it’s hard. But you know, Michael is worth it.

People might think (but not ask) why did I get into a relationship with Michael. The answer is simple: it’s because I love him. We started as colleagues on the Belfast Pride committee. From there we became friends, and the friendship became romantic very quickly and very easily. Being HIV positive doesn’t mean you can’t have friends, and it doesn’t mean you can’t have a boyfriend. I wouldn’t have rejected Michael as a friend because of HIV, and what we have is far more important than friendship. Yes, there are some things we have to take into consideration, but then again every relationship requires adaptation and compromise.

My name is Andrew and I am living with HIV; my name is Andrew and I love Michael.

Footnotes

* Well, that’s not entirely accurate, but meh…

§ If you are ever getting the inside of your nose swabbed, no matter how much it tickles, do not laugh. You can laugh when other body parts are getting swabbed though.

† This Christmas the only toiletries I got came from the NHS.

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